What Just Happened?
by Shinoda Senshi
Summary: Pain, pain, go away. That's all dear Cody wants. Much to his surprise, he gets more than simple pain relief from the two little pills Ted supplies. *Warning: Contains implied m/m slash*
1. What You Know

**What Just Happened?**

**What You Know**

If pain were a flavor, Cody's would have been grapefruit. Because Cody hated grapefruit with the blazing ferocity of a thousand suns. Every pitiful inch of his body was grapefruit. Even his eyelids.

Lying face down on the bed, Cody groaned.

He moaned.

He annoyed the hell out of his roommate.

Ted Dibiase ran his eyes across the same Wikipedia paragraph three times before he decided to do something about the noise. He had to put his friend out of his misery. It was the humane thing to do.

"Cody, you okay?"

Lifting his head from his pillow, he responded, "You know that dangly thing at the back of your mouth?"

Ted opened up another tab on his browser. Went to Google. Typed in _dangly thing at the back of mouth_. As an afterthought, he remembered to apply the search filter.

God, the internet was filthy!

Finally, he came across the proper result. "You mean the _epiglottis_?"

"Yeah. I think I may have bruised mine."

The reason the internet was so damn filthy was because it was inhabited by humans, who were also pretty damn dirty. So Ted had to ask. "Doing what?"

"I don't know," whined Cody. He flopped back down onto the fluffy pillow. "Everything is grapefruit."

Sometimes it didn't pay to have an inquisitive mind. "Grapefruit?"

"Grapefruit," Cody repeated. "Whole lotta grapefruit."

"Okay, then." Setting his laptop aside, Ted slid off the bed. He walked over to his suitcase and began rummaging through it. "Would you like something to take the grapefruit away?" He assumed grapefruit was bad and, therefore, a thing worth getting rid of.

"That would be nice."

Ted opened up his zippered bag of goodies. Decongestant. Antihistamine. Antacid. Bean-O. A few tablets of Midol from that one time he'd been absolutely desperate and in need of pain relief right away. It was the only thing Beth Phoenix had on her.

"You want some Midol?"

"This might take you by surprise, but that is one part that does not hurt. So I'll pass."

It had been worth a shot.

Ted came across an expired bottle of aspirin. Except the label and the contents did not match. Only he knew that, of course.

In order to keep the trust fund flowing, his father invested in pharmaceuticals. The elder Dibiase had sent his son a sample of a pain reliever still in the testing phase. Somehow, Ted had not gotten around to trying it.

No time like the present.

"How big of a grapefruit are we talking, Cody?"

"You remember that boulder that chased Indiana Jones down that tunnel?"

"Yeah."

"Imagine its bigger, meaner brother."

After fetching a bottle of water, Ted handed him two pills. "This oughta cure that ails ya." Or at least put the man to sleep so he could get to the bottom of his Wikipedia page.

Rhodes rolled over. He swallowed the pills with minimum fuss before introducing his face to the pillow once again.

Cody flipped onto his back. He pried opened his eyes. The smiling face of Zack Ryder startled him into full wakefulness. The man's grinning mug was uncomfortably close to his own. Only inches separated them.

"Hey, Ted!" Ryder shouted, directly into Cody's face. "He's up! He's awake, I mean."

Ted rushed out of the bathroom. Cody could have sworn his friend had been wearing a shirt only a minute ago. "Oh, good. Now I won't have to worry about that involuntary manslaughter charge. Because, quite frankly, I'm too pretty to go to prison."

Cody found comfort in the fact that not a single part of him hurt. The pills did the trick. If only he could make Zack Ryder take a few steps out of his personal space. The man was a little too close for comfort.

"How do you feel?" Ted asked, also leaning over Cody.

Having endured more than enough crowding, Cody sat up, pushing them out of his way. He twisted and turned his body. Waiting for a twinge of pain. None came. "I feel fine. My head's a little fuzzy, but nothing to complain about." He noticed the open curtains and the sunlight streaming into the room. It had been nearly eight o'clock when he'd laid down his head. A quick glance at the bedside clock told him it was a quarter to nine in the morning. "I guess all I needed was a good night's sleep. Can't believe you let me go to bed in my clothes, though."

Ted and Zack shared a look. The kind of look that filled Cody with a curiously uneasy feeling. "You guys didn't do something dumb to me while I was sleeping, did you? Like draw a dick on my forehead?"

There was another look between them. "_No_," they said together, stretching the word out longer than was comfortable.

Bolting off the bed, Cody rushed to the bathroom. He had to make sure his beautiful face had not been defaced. Leaning over the sink, he checked himself from every angle. No sign of vandalism. He examined the rest of his body. Arms. Chest. Back. Legs. Even his butt. He had to be sure.

Cody heaved a sigh of relief. His skin was pristine.

Poking his head out of the room, he called out, "Let me take a quick shower and then we can head to the gym."

"Okay," said Ted and Zack.

That whole speaking in unison thing was starting to creep Cody out. He made sure to lock the bathroom door before undressing.

Luckily, the hotel gym was empty at that hour. Deserted, save for one person. Wade Barrett stood beside the wall of mirrors.

Cody waved; Wade walked over.

He was about to ask Wade if he'd been there long. Then the strangest thing happened. Wade Barrett kissed him. Not a quick, European greeting kind of peck. Full lip, all tongue, no misinterpretation.

Cody stood stock still. Hands at his side, eyes wide open. He was in too much shock to do anything. Couldn't push Wade away. Couldn't mount a protest because his mouth was otherwise engaged.

There was a bright flash and then it was over.

If he were in his right mind, Cody would have kicked Barrett's ass all over the gym. Probably would have smashed every one of those mirrors with Wade's head. Done thousands of dollars' worth of damage.

Cody simply stared. Dumbfounded. His lips moved, but no words came out. His brain was too busy rerunning the last minute and a half to come up with a single insult.

Wade stroked his cheek. "There. Now we're even. I feel better now." He walked away, whistling.

"Ummm…" Cody nervously licked his lips as he watched Wade's retreating back. "What just happened?"


	2. What Cody Doesn't Know

**What Just Happened?**

**What Cody Doesn't Know**

"This oughta cure what ails ya."

Rhodes rolled over. He swallowed the pills with minimum fuss before introducing his face to the pillow once again.

Medicine dispensed, Ted returned to his laptop. After several minutes, he was gifted with the deep, even breaths of an unconscious roommate. He settled back into the pillows and let himself get lost in the wonders of the interweb.

It was in the middle of a lengthy and convoluted conversation with CleverBot that Ted realized something was amiss. From the corner of his eye, he saw Cody raise his head. The man looked left, looked right, then looked down at his pillow as if it were the answer from Final Jeopardy.

"I want pizza," Cody finally said. His eyes locked with Ted, who simply stared at him. "You want pizza?"

Ted watched him very closely for a few seconds. Rhodes' eyes were indeed open, and he blinked with regularity. His speech wasn't slurred and he didn't mistake his roommate for an Ewok. So Ted figured the kid was okay. "No, thanks. You feeling okay?"

"Fine," said Cody. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Want pizza, though. Really bad. Like a craving. Never had a craving for pizza before." His fingers picked at the bedspread. "Once had a mad craving for Thai food. Ate so much pad Thai I thought my stomach would explode. But it didn't." Cody nodded absentmindedly. "You sure you don't want pizza?"

"Definitely sure."

Cody frowned. "I don't want to have pizza by myself. I'll look pathetic eating alone."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, I will." Cody stood up and began to pace around the bed. He started on one side, walked around the foot of the bed until he came to the other side, and then reversed. "I will look sad and pathetic. Like those dogs in those animal cruelty commercials with that singer that doesn't make albums anymore because she's too busy making commercials about abused animals. Plus, I don't think people buy albums anymore. Or call them albums." He stopped pacing and fixed Ted with an intense look. "Do people still call them albums?"

From his tone, this seemed to be a very important question. One that ranked just under the meaning of life.

Scrutiny doubled, Ted slowly said, "I'm not sure. Want me to Google it?" When in doubt, Ted turned to Google.

Cody waved a dismissive hand. He gave up pacing in favor of folding and unfolding his shirt sleeves. "Maybe I'll get Zack to have pizza with me. That way I won't be kicked puppy pathetic."

"Zack Ryder?" asked Ted. He set aside his laptop, giving Cody his full attention. "Do you _like_ Zack Ryder?"

Cody shrugged his shoulders. Several times, in fact. "I like him well enough to have pizza. Do people from Long Island like pizza or is that a stereotype? Don't Google it. It's not that important." In a flash, Cody whipped off his shirt. "It's hot in here! Are you hot? Don't bother Googling that. There are some things Google doesn't know."

On the one hand, Ted was very intrigued by Cody's behavior. He could not precisely attribute it to the medication, but he had a suspicion. It occurred to him that he'd best keep a close eye on Cody and document the proceedings. Which led him to the other hand, which was preoccupied with not going to prison for giving his friend a non-FDA approved drug.

"Are you sure you're okay, Cody?"

"I'm fine." He furiously fanned himself. "Just hot. Maybe I should've taken the Midol. Could be a hot flash. Do men get hot flashes? You ask Google while I call Zack."

While Cody made his phone call, Ted picked up a sheet of the hotel's stationary and a pen. He jotted down a quick note. _Side effects may include: increase body temperature, listlessness, change in behavior, and convoluted thought_.

"Ryder's in," Cody announced. "We're having pizza." He headed for the door.

Ted jumped up and grabbed him by the elbow, holding him back. "I'll come, too." At least if he ended up being judged by a jury of his peers, his defense attorney could claim he had supervised the unknowing test subject.

Proving to be at the top of his mental faculties, Cody stated, "You said you didn't want any pizza."

"I don't." Ted looked into his eyes. They appeared clear and alert. "But the fresh air will do me good. I spend too much time with my laptop. Afraid I'll assimilate and become a cyborg."

Cody cracked a smile. "I'd want to have wings."

"What?"

"If I had a super power," he clarified. "I'd want to have wings. Great big ones. Maybe eight feet across. And that dark shade of black that's almost blue. Yeah…" Cody's smile widened. "Wings are cool." He dropped his smile and tugged his arm free. "Come on. Zack and pizza are waiting."

Before he got two steps away, Ted latched on again. "You need a shirt."

Cody looked down at his bare chest. He seemed to notice it for the first time. "I knew that. I was just testing you." He pulled free and headed for his suitcase.

Ted decided to take the entire stationary pad with him. He sensed he'd need the notes later. "I don't know whether this belongs on FML or My Life Is Average."

Fully dressed, they left the hotel room. Zack Ryder stood waiting in the hall. Even though it was well into the evening, he wore sunglasses.

"We're in luck, boys." Zack grinned as they approached. "There's a pizza place only a few blocks away."

Cody asked, "Is it wrong to assume that you like pizza just because you're from Long Island?"

The question gave Ryder pause. "Yes… Yes, it is. Then again, you rarely run into anyone who doesn't like pizza."

"What if they're lactose intolerant?" Cody bounced on the balls of his feet. "Or they have a citrus allergy that prevents them from having anything with tomatoes?"

Again, Zack paused. He peeked around Cody's bouncing body to Ted, who stood behind him. "Is he for real or am I about to get kicked in the junk in about eighteen seconds?"

Before Ted could answer, Cody interjected, "Do either of you have Wade's number?"

Zack and Cody shared a look. The first of many to come.

Being the cause of what was sure to be an incredible amount of trouble, Ted asked the obvious question. "Why?"

Cody looked at him as if he didn't have the sense God gave a goat. It was as insulting and condescending an expression as ever to cross his face. "Because I want to invite him for pizza." Getting nothing but blank stares, Cody quit bouncing and turned on his heels. "Fine. I'll ask the front desk which room he's in."

Zack and Ted watched him head for the stairs.

Clearing his throat, Zack took off his sunglasses. He tucked them into his jacket pocket. "I have a number of questions."

"I'll bet you do."

"Starting with what, in the name of Vince McMahon's jockey shorts, is wrong with him?"

Ted briefly wondered if telling Zack the truth would turn Ryder from an innocent witness to a codefendant. If he was going to be along for the ride, he might as well find out the destination. "I kind of gave Cody something."

"Something?" repeated Zack.

"A pill."

"A pill?"

"For pain relief."

"Pain relief?"

"Currently experimental and not officially on the market." Ted cut Ryder off as soon as he opened his mouth. "And I've got enough troubles without you giving me the parrot treatment. Suffice to say that there are some unforeseen side effects and it would be in the interest of all parties if we kept an eye on Cody until the medication is out of his system."

Shock written all over his face, Zack slumped against the wall. "All I wanted was some pizza!"

Cody stepped off the elevator. He breezed past the two men, heading down the hall. "Wade's at the other end."

Zack and Ted fell in behind him. They had to jog a bit to keep up.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Zack. "What if something goes wrong?" They worked in a business where things could go very wrong, very quickly.

Cody scoffed. "What's the worst that could happen? It's only pizza."

"Sure… Harold and Kumar only wanted White Castle and look what they went through."

They found the room easily enough. Cody knocked without hesitation.

The door swung open. Wade Barrett stood before them. He didn't need to utter a word. The man oozed arrogance and conceit.

"It might be a stretch, but can I help you?"

"Can I have your phone number?" Cody stepped forward. Well into Barrett's personal space. "I promise I won't do anything weird, like send you pictures of my junk. Why do people do that, anyway?"

For the briefest of moments, Wade was at a loss for words. "What?"

"Send pictures of their junk? I would think that if the person being sent the picture had wanted to receive the picture, then that person would have taken the picture in the first place when they had seen the person in person."

Again, Wade found himself lacking the appropriate vocabulary to deal with the madness standing before him. He leaned in close, as if the proximity would somehow make him understand the workings of the young man's mind. "What?"

"Also, do you like pizza? I ask because Zack said that most everybody likes pizza and I said that that's not true and Ted said…" Cody paused. "Well, Ted didn't say anything. Anyway, I figured I'd ask you as the deciding vote."

Wade studied each of their faces. His eyes rested on Zack. "Is this a gag?"

"If it is," said Ryder, "then we're both getting kicked in the nuts."

Cody laid a hand on Wade's shoulder and gave him his most endearing smile. "Come with us for pizza. My treat."

Wade was too confused to bother peeling Cody's fingers off his person. Again, he looked to Zack Ryder for guidance. "Seriously, though, is he for real?"

"At least for the next six to eight hours," said Ted.

Cody's hand drifted up Wade's arm, across his shoulder, and down his chest. His fingers lingered over the glossy black buttons of his shirt. "Loosen up my buttons, baby, but you keep fronting. Saying what you going to do to me, but I ain't seen nothing."

The wide, scandalized eyes of Wade Barrett were highly comical. Zack whipped out his phone, activating the video camera to forever memorialize the moment Cody Rhodes went off his rocker.

"Tell me, Ted," Zack said as Cody popped open the top button. "Where in the pamphlet does it mention Pussycat Dolls karaoke?"

When Cody tried to pry the next button open, Wade smacked his hand away. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't break your fingers as well as your neck!"

"Contractual obligation," said Ted.

"Lack of adequate disposal of a body," suggested Zack.

"Someone's bound to miss him."

"He does have quite the following."

"And you might end up deported."

Cody put an end to all arguments. Capturing Wade's face in his hands, Cody kissed him with a ferocity that left the man staggering. He took advantage of Barrett's stunned state. Fully utilized his talented mouth until he was completely satisfied. Only then did Cody withdraw. "I wanna cover you in zesty marinara sauce and lick off every last bit."

For Zack and Ted, that was their cue to leave. At full speed. Each grabbing an arm, they hauled Cody off of the surprisingly silent man. They left Wade standing in his doorway.

"Sorry for the inconvenience!" shouted Ted.

Zack snapped a quick salute. "It's been a pleasure!"

The anxious pair dragged Cody down the hallway. They didn't stop until they reached the Dibiase/Rhodes room. Once safely inside, they deposited their cargo into the nearest chair.

Zack collapsed into the opposite chair. "I can safely say that that was the strangest display of affection I have ever witnessed. Score one for pharmaceutical mishaps."

The sound of the toilet flushing carried from the bathroom. Ted walked into the sitting area, empty pill bottle in hand. "No one, and I mean _no one_, should ever get their hands on that stuff again. It could get a person killed."

"Or get them laid," noted Ryder. "Same coin, different side."

"Whatever." Ted tossed the empty bottle into the trash. "I'm just saying that it's a dangerous substance."

Cody raised his hand. "I never got my pizza…" His voice was whisper soft. He blinked owlishly at the two men. "Marinara…" Eyes sliding shut, he pitched forward.

Acting quickly, Zack rushed forward and caught Cody before he hit the floor.

"Tell me he isn't dead. I'd hate to have gone through all that for him to drop dead right now." Ted came to Ryder's aid. He looped an arm around his neck; Zack did the same. Together, they managed to get him to the bed. "After all this time, I'm still carrying your weight, Rhodes."

After checking to make sure their colleague had not, in fact, expired, the two stood over Cody's sleeping form. If their luck held out, Cody wouldn't remember a thing.

Ted extended a hand to Zack. "Let us never speak of this again. We take this to our graves."

"Deal." Zack shook on it. "But tell that to Wade Barrett."


	3. What Now?

**What Just Happened?**

**What Now?**

Slowly sinking onto the bench, Cody was struck speechless. Disbelief painted his face. Shaking his head, he mumbled incoherently. "I… He… No, no, no…"

"Yes," said Zack. He tapped at the screen on his phone. "Would you like us to go to the tape?"

Cody covered his eyes. That was not something he wanted to relive. Ignorance truly was bliss. He had woken up in such a good mood. For once, his body didn't ache. He had not a care in the world. Now he knew why.

He had damn near sucked Wade Barrett's lips off.

With the unexpected speed of a striking cobra, Cody launched himself at Ted. Missed wrapping his hands round Dibiase's neck by inches. Instead, he fisted the front of his shirt and shook him with the fury of a man having just recalled every lurid minute of the night before. "How could you do this to me?"

Ted's head snapped back and forth. "I. Didn't. Know. It. Would. Happen. Please. Stop. You're. Making. My. Head. Hurt."

Practically foaming at the mouth, Cody snapped. "Too bad you flushed those damn pills down the toilet! You could take a few and end up with a ménage a trois with Big Show and Hornswoggle!"

Zack Ryder filmed it all. "I'm not even sure how that would work, logistically speaking. Probably best not to dwell on it."

It took a lot of shaking for Cody's fury to flame out. Once he ran out of anger, a strange kind of nervousness took its place. An odd realization came over him. Despite the embarrassment of his drug induced solicitation, Cody had not been beaten within an inch of his life. He'd escaped with his body intact. As an added bonus, Wade Barrett wasn't a bad kisser. Cody could definitely do worse. Sadly, in the past, he had done worse.

"So here's what's gonna happen," Cody said, mostly to himself. "Like he said, we're even. So the ball's in my court. Don't say _balls_. Bad image this early in the morning."

Zack put away his phone. "I don't think those pills have completely worn off."

"I'm just glad my brains have stopped rattling." Ted rubbed his neck, keeping a fair amount of distance between himself and the no longer rabid Rhodes. "Remind me to tell my Dad about the dangers of that medicine."

Cody headed for the door. His reinstated memory recalled the location of Barrett's quarters. "He probably went back to his room, right? To shower, most likely. Nothing like a good workout."

Once again, Ted and Zack shared a look.

"I thought…" Ted waved his hands at the unoccupied machines around them.

Winking at the pair, Cody explained, "Got a different kind of workout in mind. Later, fellas."

**END**


End file.
